How Far
by BoandNora-ItsOneWord
Summary: Bo struggles with whether he can forgive his wife after grief leads her into making a mistake that has legal consequences. (This was supposed to be my attempt at redoing the horrible cabana story but it kind of spiraled into something different.Obviously it is a bit AU and a little OOC but hopefully you will enjoy it anyways. lol)
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One:**  
February 2000

She wonders if this is what hell feels like; that deep, throbbing pain that scorches every inch of your body; the kind of pain that leaves you gasping for air; And she can almost feel the way her body seems to scream for an end to the nightmare she hears in her head.

The people down the hall are whispering about her and yet she can hear them so clearly; They seem so loud it almost makes her head spin. For a moment she thinks she's back in that house where dreams were lost and found; But dreams didn't exist for her anymore-only nightmares.

"Nora," he calls, and she tries to muster up the strength to figure out if he's real. She has a hard time figuring out what's really there anymore. But the voice continues and she ultimately forces her eyes to open. He still has that look in his eyes; the broken, shattered look of betrayal.

"It's almost time for your arraignment. I thought you might want to have a few minutes to prepare."

 _Of Course, she remembered…the trial. He was only standing in front of her because she was about to face judgment day; he wasn't her husband anymore; not in any way that mattered._

"I'm sorry," she said, but he didn't say anything. She supposed they were all talked out.

 **FLASHBACK**  
 _  
"I don't even know who you are anymore Nora; what kind of woman steals a baby? This used to be the kind of thing that you would prosecute…now you're the one being prosecuted."_

 _"I never wanted to hurt anyone Bo; But when I saw her wrapped in that pink blanket, I thought it was a gift from God. How was I supposed to know that her parents were alive? I thought they had abandoned her."_

 _"But you lied…you took that child and you made me think she was mine…you made me fall in love with her…how…how could you do that to me?"_

 _"I wanted to give you a child Bo…I've already lost three children…when Noah was stillborn I thought it was the worst thing that could ever happen to me and it was…I can still feel his cold, lifeless body in my arms when I held him…one time Bo…I got to hold him one time…but then I found out I had lost another child…two children…twins…a boy and a girl…both gone…"_

 _"You had…you had a miscarriage…"_

 _Tears were falling from her face as she looked at him now…broken just as he was. "I didn't even know I was pregnant at first. I hoped I was. I prayed that I was. I only got to feel the happiness for a few months… then one day I woke up feeling this intense pain…I could barely walk Bo…and then there was the blood. There was so much blood. I went to the doctors and they did an ultrasound… there was no heartbeat…I wanted to die so bad…Do you understand that? In that moment I thought it would be better for ME to die than my children? I didn't want to keep giving you false hope…I didn't want to give MYSELF false hope…"_

 _"Why didn't you just tell me?"_

 _"I tried…I did…but the words just didn't come out…and then…Bo, I didn't think I was stealing a child…I thought I was saving her…I thought she could save ME."_

 _"You didn't do anything but destroy a family; destroy our marriage. And now…now I have to arrest my own wife for kidnapping."_

 _"Doesn't it even matter what I've lost; what WE'VE lost."_

 _"I'm sorry Nora; I can't help you anymore; the lies have gone too far."_  
 **  
END OF FLASHBACK**

She remembered the sound of the sirens ringing in her ear after she had been placed in the back of his squad car; she watched from the window as her precious Ellie Victoria was led out to another car. She was going back to her old life; one she wasn't a part of. For two years she had been that child's mother; now they were strangers again.

"You can hate me Bo; If you can really look me in the eyes and tell me that everything we were is just null and void; because _now_ I'm _just_ as bad as the criminals you prosecute… then…then hate me."

He looked at her then…she looked so frail and worn…he almost wished he could lie to her…but there would be no more lies…there had already been a dozen too many.

"I wish I _could_ hate you…but that's the problem… I _never_ could. I love you too much."

He walked away from her and she was left with only the memories that would become a tapestry on her broken heart…and even when she cried until the tears were all dry, she didn't feel anything anymore. You couldn't break a broken heart.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

He watches the seconds tick by from the clock on the wall; he doesn't know why it seems longer when he sits in the dark, sipping whiskey from a paper bag; He only knows the ache grows stronger with each second that passes.

"Bo."

He hears the sound of his name but for a second he has to remind himself that he's not in their own private paradise-the one where Ellie is asleep in his arms and Nora is kissing his neck; he has to remind himself that reality and fantasy don't mesh.

"It's time," Hank says. He flips on the light and Bo allows himself a quick look at the photo still sitting on his desk. _The lies still hurt even now._

"I'm not sure I can go," he whispers. He knows that's not what Hank wants to hear but he isn't really sure he can stand to face her. "I'm not sure it's a good idea for me to be in the same room with her right now."

Hank takes a deep breath as he faces Bo. "That's your choice. I just want you to understand something Bo. If you don't show up; If you leave her twisting in the wind; Well, just make sure you can live with the consequences of that; She might go to prison for a long time."

"Maybe it's what she deserves."

"Maybe—But is your pride really more important than what is fair and just. She lost three children Bo; I am not even sure that she really understood fully what she was doing; You should know better than anyone what grief does to you. I'm not asking you to take her back; I'm just asking you to think about where she was when she did it. Just try—try to show a little compassion; a little leniency. She is still your wife."

Hank closed the door and Bo was left alone in that cold, empty office. He wasn't heartless; there was still a part of him who did understand. He had lost those children too; He had lost Drew. Maybe she really _didn't_ know the difference between right and wrong? He had heard about it happening—Grief becoming so severe that when you see another child—you see your _own_ baby. Is that what happened? Did Nora's psyche just snap?

She was led down the hall into the courtroom; Hank was sitting at her table. Sometimes it was still so hard for her to believe that she had done the things she did. She was crying now.

"What's going to happen to me Hank? Am I going to go to jail," she asked?

"Not if I can help it," he said, and he kissed the top of her head.

Hank had been teaching law in Chicago but he left it all behind when Nora was arrested. He was a former D.A. but he knew that there was no one else who would touch her case; It was the first time he ever dabbled in defense work but Nora trusted him completely. He had once been in her shoes.

++++

She listened to the charges brought against her as the judge read the legal documents. As a lawyer she knew what it all meant; but as the defendant she was having a hard time believing she had really committed all these crimes.

"Do you understand the charges as I have read them," the judge asked?

"I do," she said.

"How do you plead?"

She was thinking about what Hank had asked her when he first came to see her.

" _Did you know that you were committing a crime when you took her?"_

 _"No," she said. "I still don't understand how I could have done those things."_

 _"You were grieving Nora. It's possible that when you found that child, you believed she was yours. Do you think that's accurate?"_

She looked up when she heard the doors open; Her heart still hurt to see him. She loved him so much.

"Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity," she pled.

It had been Hank's idea and she wasn't going to do it but he was right. She wasn't herself in that moment. When she picked up that child, all she could see was her children. She had been convinced that her daughter was alive. The lies that came after were told because she believed them. Grief could be a tricky thing.

The judge entered her plea and ordered her to be placed in a secure mental facility until she could be evaluated. The issue of bail would be revisited at that time.

"It's going to be okay Nora," Hank assured her. "I promise you, it will."

"Thank you," she said, and when she was being led back out of the courtroom, her eyes locked on her husband.

"I didn't think you'd come," she said.

"I wasn't going to," he said. "Then I realized that I wouldn't be able to live with myself If I didn't listen to what you have to say. "

"I…I love you Bo. I hope you know that."

"I do know that. It doesn't mean I forgive you but…I love you too."

He didn't know what made him hug her but suddenly he found himself wanting her to know that he still cared about her well-being… When the hug ended he cleared his throat and looked at her.

"Take care of yourself Nora. I mean that."

"You too," she said, and then he was gone.

 _For the first time since she was arrested, she had hope. Hope was all she had left._


End file.
